I can hardly believe it. Two years ago today, I moved to Calabria with two cats and three suitcases. I've gone through so many changes, that I hardly recognize the person I used to be.
Just yesterday, a new friend who just moved here herself asked me if I ever regretted moving to Italy.
No. Never.
Certainly, there have been a lot of frustrations. But on the whole, my life is so much better living as an expat in Italy!
I'll share with you some of the lessons I continue to learn here.
Lesson 1: Italy Will NEVER Change for You
At times, I still think some of the ways Italy does things are counterproductive and frustrating. For example, today, I took Gina (the new American) to get set up with Wi-Fi.
Though the employee said the internet would be available right away, it turns out what she meant by "right away" was up to 24 hours. In the U.S., your internet works as soon as it's set up, right? When I got my internet set up two years ago, "right away" took five days!
I told Gina my theory that there's a big red button somewhere that someone has to push before things work. That's how it feels sometimes!
And yet, I'm a guest in this country. The way they do things is the way they do things. That won't change, and I'm happier when I can accept that.
Lesson 2: I'm Going to Be the Center of Attention (Whether I Want It Or Not)
Sure, admittedly, sometimes I like having attention of others, but here it's not something I can choose. By being an American (already an oddity down south), I always get the come mai (How come you moved here) questions.
Sometimes it's exhausting to go through my story over and over. Fortunately, the more people I meet, the fewer are left to meet, so I am telling the story less frequently these days.
Lesson 3: I May Never Be Fluent in Italian
Yes, I do pretty well speaking Italian. But being a linguist and a writer, I only see what I don't know. And when I read a book, that amounts to 80% of the words.
And I hear my American accent, which I hate. When I learned French, I was a teen, so my pronunciation was much better. I guess the accent part of my brain has fossilized and now it's harder to sound like an Italian.
It's frustrating, but I persevere. I'm reading books a little easier in Italian, and giving myself a break when I don't understand much.
Lesson 4: I Will Never Remember Everyone I Meet
Think of all the people you've met this year. I'm gonna guess that's maybe...five people? 10?
Because Fra knows EVERYONE, I've met probably 150 people in the past year. And of course, it's easier for THEM to remember ME than vice versa. I am but one Americana. They are many, many Italians, and I cannot for the life of me remember their names, or even that I've met them most of the time.
And so to you Italians...if I introduce myself to you for the third time, forgive me.
Lesson 5: It Is Possible to Overdose on Pasta
In the U.S., I ate pasta maybe twice a month. Here, it's been nearly every day. And I've been struggling with some health issues that, after many, many visits to many doctors and one final self-diagnosis, I think could be related to gluten!
It's just a theory, but I've cut out gluten and I'm feeling better. I was surprised to find a giant section of the pharmacy here that has tons of gluten-free products that taste good. Only time will tell whether gluten (and pasta) is the true culprit, but my body is reeling from such big dietary changes, and I'm trying to listen to it.
Lesson 6: My Friendships Are Changing
I knew when I moved from San Diego that my friendships with my American friends would shift, and that some would disintegrate completely. It's happening, as much as we try to hold on to how things were. Texts and occasional calls only do so much, but it's the daily minutiae of each other's lives that we're no longer connected to the way we once were.
At the same time, I haven't connected with friends here in the same deep, meaningful way I did with my girls in San Diego.
Lesson 7: I Can Still Be Me
My first year here, I was sad because I didn't feel like I could be my quirky, perky self. Why? I don't know. Culturally, Italians don't seem to get my sense of humor. And some things don't translate.
But as I'm getting more comfortable with my friends and with Fra's family, I'm letting my personality show. I make jokes with Fra's dad and uncle, and they tease me right back. I'm sharing my newfound love of herbal remedies, and his aunt raved about my calendula cream. I had my first-ever art show and even won a prize.
I'm still me...just ItalySu now.
Lesson 8: Loving in Another Language Has Its Challenges
(As does simply any relationship!). Fra and I are solid, though sometimes one or both of us get frustrated because we don't understand each other. It's harder to argue in another language, let me tell you!
And cultural preferences pop up as well. This summer was a battle of the air conditioning. He grew up never using it and doesn't like it, while I was melting like a popsicle. We did our best. Thank goodness it's cooled down!
Lesson 9: You Can Do Hard Things (Though Most are Over)
When I stop to look at all the obstacles and frustrations I've overcome these past two years as an expat in Italy, I'm proud of myself. Everyone tells me how brave I am, but I rarely see it myself.
And yet, I...
Spent 6 months in driving school and aced the exam
Navigated getting my permesso di soggiorno and renewing it
I made friends. Who speak Italian.
I started a new business, Go Go Calabria, with my friend Dora
I navigated the Italian health system and lived to tell about it!
The list goes on. The point is, I now know I can do hard things. And they're becoming fewer and further between.
Lesson 10: The Growth Isn't Over
One big life lesson I've learned is that the growing and evolving never end. That goes for being an expat in Italy too. I continue to "become" my Italian self as I have more experiences, meet more people, and become more confident in my life here.
Two years is a good place to be. If things keep on getting better from here, life in Italy will be truly bellissima!
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