When I saw a post about a book called How to Date a Foreigner on Facebook, I immediately looked it up. And I'm glad I did.
Author Sylvia Halter has done a fantastic job researching how different cultures approach dating, love, and marriage. Not necessarily in that particular order.
For me, it gave me some helpful insights into why Fra and I have different points of view on some things in our relationship.
This Explains So Much...
Though I am now happily out of the dating game (soooo glad!), reading this book helped me understand a lot about both Italian and American men.
Halter talks about how in masculine cultures (like America and Canada), people try to impress with their achievements, whereas in feminine cultures (like Italy), they try to impress with their personalities. I personally prefer the latter!
She also talked about how in masculine cultures, men will wait a while after a date before connecting with the woman, whereas in feminine cultures, they'll reach out right after.
American ladies, I don't know about you, but I HATED the waiting game. Will he/won't he text after a first date?! Fortunately, there are fewer games in Italy, at least not with Fra, who texted right after the first date (or did I text first?)
Shopping Around vs. Being Exclusive
She also talks about how in masculine cultures, people (I'd say MEN, but whatever) tend to keep their options open and may date more than one person at a time initially.
Again, hated it.
In feminine cultures, dating like this doesn't really exist. In Italy, you date one person at a time, typically. If it doesn't work out after a few weeks, you move on.
That doesn't necessarily mean you're committed. I remember I was ready to call Fra my boyfriend months before he was ready. Patience is not my strong suit, but fortunately, we ended up on the same page!
This Will Change How You View Dating
Honestly, I wish I'd read this book years ago. I think even when you're in the same culture, it's helpful to realize that people may have different valid approaches to dating. Ultimately, a person probably isn't right for you if you can't find common ground in your approach to dating and a relationship. But it can be helpful to understand what motivates the other person.
Whether you're an expat like me, you date people of other cultures in your own country, or just want a little clarity around dating and relationships in general, check out this book!
Comments