I've waited months to write this post because I wanted to wait until I'd gone through the entire process of getting married. And yes, in Italy, it is a PROCESS!
Well, we're not married yet but I can share the long, arduous path we've taken so far.
So You Wanna Marry an Italian...
Having gotten married in Vegas the first time around, I wasn't prepared for the arduous process of preparing to marry Fra.
I started on the U.S. Consulate website, which I'll just tell you now, isn't necessarily full of accurate info. I found that the comune had a different set of requirements from what the Consulate said I'd need, so my first advice if you're going down this path is to go to your comune and ask what they need.
OK so what you do need is:
Your passport
Your birth certificate
If previously married, a divorce decree (or death certificate if your spouse died)
Sounds simple enough, right? Well waaaay down at the bottom of this long page it says you need the documents translated into Italian and apostilled.
The Nightmare of Apostilling and Translating
The site doesn't mention that it needs to be a certified translation stamped by an official where you live. I hired an online translating service only to find out that I needed a translator to go with me to this office in Catanzaro to swear that the English version said what the Italian version said!
Luckily I have a friend who was willing to review the docs and go with me, otherwise, I would have had to start from scratch and hire a local translator.
I had to order official certified copies of both my birth certificate and divorce decree from the U.S. and then pay to have them shipped to Italy after they were apostilled. An apostille is a type of notary that authorizes certified documents like these in the US. I paid too much for the service; I think they were $150 each plus $50 shipping.
And evidently, I didn't order a certified copy of my divorce decree the first time around, so I had to reorder it!!
I also didn't realize the apostille page of these two packets had to be translated as well. ARRGHH!
I'd tried to schedule an appointment in Catanzaro at the office where we had to take these translated documents, but to no one's surprise, no one answered.
When my friend and I arrived, we were told by the one woman working in the office that that department was closed until the next day (it was 11 am!). She said we could make an appointment online. I'd already tried, but the soonest appointment was weeks out.
I gave my sob story. At the time, we were hoping to get married within a few weeks, and we were down to the wire. She was apparently moved by the story (and bemused that an American was going to so much trouble to marry a boy from Davoli) so she whipped out her paper calendar and told me to come back in the morning at 8 am.
And guess who runs that department? HER! She just didn't want to deal with us the day before, but the following day, she was chatty and helpful. Oh, Italy.
A Quick Trip to Napoli
That was the first task, getting all those documents organized. Then we went to the American Consulate in Napoli for a Dichiarazione Giurata, which is a sworn affidavit saying that yes, I was divorced and able to remarry. You can't imagine how many times I had to swear I was single!
In theory, you can make the appointment for this Dichiarazione Giurata at the American Consulate in any of the big cities (Florence, Rome, Palermo) online but I tried several sites and all were broken or had no appointments. Then when I tried calling and sending emails, I couldn't reach anyone. But Napoli had a fairly easy system to use, so we went there.
We stayed in a hotel near the Consulate so we could be ready for our morning appointment. Fra had to wait outside since he's not an American citizen.
It was a bit like the DMV. I waited until they called my name, then went to the kiosk, gave them my papers and the fee ($50), then waited for them to process the papers. It took about an hour. Very anticlimactic.
Once we returned home, I took that document to the Ufficio Legalizzazioni in Catanzaro, along with a marca da bollo of €16. A marca da bollo is a type of official stamp that you have to purchase (at a tabaccheria) when you're filling out legal documents. We bought sooo many in this process!
Despite the woman at the Ufficio Legalizzazioni never having answered the phone when we called a gazillion times to schedule the appointment, she was nice and efficient.
Here's Where We Go Sideways
The Consulate website says you need an Atto Nottorio with two witnesses once again stating that both people are single and able to get married. The office in Catanzaro where we were supposed to do this didn't have an appointment for months, so our lawyer friend found out we could have this done at any comune.
We went to a neighboring comune and filled out the docs. It took over an hour, as anything involving chatty Italians will do.
But when we took all our documents to Marta, the incredibly patient woman who would schedule our wedding in Davoli, she told us that we couldn't use the Atto Nottorio we had done. First, she said, it needed four witnesses, not two. And second, it couldn't be done at a different comune.
Merda.
There was a lot of back and forth, but in the end, she was able to process our documents without the Atto Nottorio because I had all my very-translated documents and the Dichiarazione Giurata.
This is why I say it's important to start with the comune where you want to get married. If they want something different from what the Consulate says, you're better off starting there!
(And while I am not endorsing doing this in any way, I did have a couple of official people in this process who gently suggested it might have been easier if I hadn't told anyone I was divorced. There would have been less paperwork and fewer headaches!)
Time for La Promessa
After changing our minds several times about when and where we'd get married, we finally decided on a date and headed back to Santa Marta.
She had our documents all ready to go and just had to read something to us and have us sign a paper saying we were committing to getting married. This is called la promessa, the promise.
She now has published the Dichiarazione di Matrimonio, or Declaration of Intention to Marry. After a couple of weeks, assuming no one has an objection, we'll be cleared!
This has been an arduous process, but at least I can help others who are going down this twisted path. And believe me: getting married in Italy as an expat is an experience I only want to have once!
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