On Being Adopted by an Italian Family

When I moved to Italy, I never dreamed I'd end up with my very own Italian family!

And yet, falling in love with an Italian man has had this unexpected perk. I got Italian parents, a brother, a handful of zii and zie and countless cousins!

Leaning into the Love

Being a part of an Italian family has really magnified the differences between our two cultures. One example is going to the doctor.

Last year, Fra kept asking me to go with him to the dentist. I didn't really want to, and I didn't get why he wanted me to sit with him in the waiting room.

Now, I get it...at least sort of. Spouses, parents, or siblings often accompany a family member when they have a doctor's appointment. Maybe it's for moral support. Or to give them someone to talk to during the interminable wait.

I had an appointment I was a little nervous about months ago. Fra was working, so Mamma offered to go with me. And since Papá is her personal chauffeur, he came too.

At first, I thought it was to help me with the language. But as my understanding has improved, I realize it's just because they love and support me.

In the U.S. I would never try to go with Max to the doctor! He wouldn't want me to!

A Network of Support

Being an independent American woman, I'm used to handling things on my own. You know...checking my oil, cooking, just life stuff. But now that I have an Italian family, all I have to do is mention that the water in my car's wiper fluid container is empty and after we eat, Papá is out there refilling it.

There are a lot of traditional gender roles here, so I've had to strive to see things outside of a feminist lens. Fra, his father, and his brother help me, not because I am a helpless female (I think climbing trees to pick olives proved that!), but because they care and want to help me.

It's taken getting used to, not trying to do everything on my own. And I'll admit, it's a relief to have help.

Establishing Family Traditions

As I've said before: I have a fantastic American family. I am in no way replacing them. But I haven't lived in the same city as my parents or brothers in decades. So now I have the opportunity to see my Italian family every week.

We're together every Sunday for lunch. I stop by next door to greet our aunt and uncle, and to shoot the shit with his cousin and her family. If it's warm out, we putter about the yard (a favorite expression of my American dad!). We enjoy a meal together, filled with laughter and banter.

I'm coming on a full year of knowing his family, which means I've tried just about all the Calabrian traditions, from making salsiccia to baking bread in the fire oven. I love that we're heading toward my second time around, which makes it feel like an established tradition, doing all of these activities together. I look forward to many, many years of this!

Italy has given me so many gifts, but by far, my favorite is my adopted Italian family!